"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Love will never be enough.

Love is never enough and it will never be enough.

For all the fools who think that love can conquer anything might be very rich or have a lucky boon of surviving without food and basic necessities.

You should only fall in love when you are well settled and have a nice earning job. Even then please try and kill all your expectations cause one needs to sleep, eat, work. So there is really less time for love except for the rushed sex or a peck here and there.

Marriage is a concept of lightly putting forward that you have to create babies to make future generation.

And girlfriend and boyfriend or couples are already flawed. They just love and do nothing else at first cause its so exhilarating and new, then in somedays they are burdened with doing something new or keeping up with the emotional challenges of one another and finally they succumb to following their routine so that they dont have to put up with the challenges and it all goes back to few pecks and rushed sex. And running away at the first sign of putting any kind of effort. They always like to believe that putting effort is not going to change anything so why bother wasting time and energy which could very well be utilised in doing something of ones own interest.

Love is there at the back of the mind. Nobody can fight your challenge no matter how much they say they love you and they can never love the whole of you because of that. But they like to believe that you will fight their battle and be with them no matter what, you will never show any kind of disinterest and lastly they will expect from you how much so ever they wish.

So love is not enough ever and forever is a myth like for all the relations in life. 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Real to reel

Jhilik begged him to not leave, said they could make it work. They were both meant to be.

All was on deaf ears as Shoibal begin to inch forward towards the main door. He slung his rucksack on his shoulder and left the house, banging the door close behind him.

She crumbled to the floor as if her whole world had ended right there and then. Sobbing loudly while thumping her palms on the marble floor. Bangles cracked piercing through the skin of her wrist as the blood coloured the floor.

"Cut" said the director.

Everybody applauded watching the pure rawness of the shot.

Getting up from the floor Imon looked at Abir the director with her bloodshot eyes.

Abir cast his eyes down silently. Only they both knew that this was a known piece of reel that had already uprooted their lives in real, five years ago. 

Friday, January 13, 2017

Attraction or Love?

She walked skeptical on every path but at times she could just feel it in her bones. It was right there in front of her. She had fallen in love with a guy who in no way could have possibly matched her dreams.

Wait what? She did not have any dream about a guy. She hated boys from a very young age cause well A) The people around her always seemed to say that boys are bad, and B) She grew her own disliking cause of childish incidents.

This guy she had talked with at random was making her happy and she just couldn't shut up. She talked a lot like a stream of water was flowing because the sun has finally shone bright and high making the glacier melt.

This was nine years back. She had fallen in love and she kept falling in love everyday with him. There was nobody else so perfect, not even her father came close. She realized some relations without blood are much more precious than could be defined. 

Today was no different. Her heartbeat sped up the moment she saw him. The smile on her face was automatic and she couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach. The hugs and kisses were too magical, making her forget about the whole damn world.

She met a guy recently. They talked for sometime. On and off for few months and then she could see something. This other guy was attracted to her and she couldn't make him to stop. This energy in the air was crackling and refreshing. She felt good about herself. She felt different.

At times you need a whiff of the coffee brewing some miles away from your favorite cafe, just so that you know that what you have is so special and nothing can replace it.

Attractions are temporary, they make you feel alive for some time. Its thrilling and the adrenaline rush is amazing. But love makes you feel alive all the time, every time. 


Saturday, October 29, 2016

Like a mistress or...manstress

We all have somebody special in our life be it a friend or a good friend or best friend or someone from family or a girlfriend/boyfriend.

They are important in our lives and maybe somehow influence a great deal of things that happen in our life. We like to spend time with them and enjoy their attention showered on us.

When do you feel bad while being with them?

A fight perhaps, or a disagreement. Well, i guess these are too mild in terms of bad.

The mistress snatches away the limelight for bad. Well, i know you are thinking about that girl who has the perfect figure, big bosoms, luscious red coated lips, smoky eyes, a figure hugging dress, with a cheshire cat smile sprawled on the bed. I am sorry to be biased as i am not talking about the other guy in a woman's life as i have mentioned girlfriend as well.

But then that would be unfair, so thanks to urban dictionary i have a word coined for those extra guys keeping the girls happy which is manstress. I get a red line underneath the word in spell check. So, you might imagine a perfectly chiselled man, with washboard smooth abs, tall, handsome, to sum it a greek god with a smirk sprawled on bed.

No, i am not talking about either of them. Neither mistress or manstress as we know.

The things/activities they love and like to do, they put their everything into it. It makes them feel alive and breathless at the same time.

So when a consultant who is your friend is passionately rambling about problems of their patient complete with their life history but the moment you ask them something regarding a conversation you had back in the day and they give a blank expression. Now how does that feel? Mind you at this point that the conversation held back in the day was important to you.

This was just an example to give you a clear picture. So how do you deal with the mistress/manstress? 

I draw a blank at that. 

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Betrayed

There is a hollow I can feel it inside me. It has seeped deep inside my bones. I am grieving like I never have. There are no tears, you cant find a single trace of grief on me. It is inside of me secured and tight.

The loss that I had not been able to keep my words. It does not hurt that the words I said have lost their essence and no longer valid. It is heavier than that, I was sincere when I had said those words. But I have betrayed myself, gone back on sincerity.

I had cried once when I saw people change in front of me. They did not keep their words. One after another each of them left me like that, repeating the same pattern. The hurt was evident in me for sometime. With time healing does take place. I saw the hurt fade and the memory boxed into the farthest corner of my mind.

But today, I cannot cry. I am not able to. I have changed. How does one forgive themselves for betraying themselves?

I don’t know. The hollow has grown larger and I am loosing touch with the things that mattered once. The gap is so humongous that people are afraid to cross it to reach me.

What about me?
I don’t see where can I land even if I cross the gap. Where is my destination? Where am I suppose to land?


Its all blurry, empty and unending. The tunnels of my thoughts are spiraling out of control like the smoke that wafts away from the cigarette only to be invisible after sometime. You cannot trace the smoke, it has left you to puff more of them and mock you as you blow one after another wisps in hopes to follow it till the end.