"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Till we meet..



The flickering lights fall on my face. What else did I expect?

It is blinding and chilling, sitting on these bar stools. I absolutely hate these stools, I long for a comfortable couch but I wont opt for that. Yes, seems like I have finally let go last shred of sanity.

I want it and I have it right in front of my eyes but those couches hold memory. It has been 3 months since he has left for work and I am pining badly for him right now. No calls are returned till the weekends and no mushy talks follow if I get through to him on weekdays. It is Saturday, at least today I can hope for that long late night talk.
-----
Destination needs to be changed he said
I beamed a happy smile mirroring his. He hugged me and told me how my smile was what he was waiting for. Why I had asked him and being the ever so sweet guy he is, he told me it was like a confirmation and seal to the ticket of the new work place.
-----
I cant leave this place because I have restrictions. Yes I know I can break through and all but well even I have needs here. But I need him too.

See I am totally positive that I am nuts.

Long distance is a pain in the a** but well I know that when we finally do meet it will be so good. I will see that happy smile of his, snuggle in his arms and take in the tantalizing scent of his cologne.

I stand up paying for the tequila shots. The alcohol has finally kicked in the nervous system. I feel a little tipsy but nothing that I cant handle. I hold the shrug closer to myself, self hugging if I may say. Exiting the bar I walk down towards our empty home.

Keeping the keys on the drawer I eagerly move towards the phone I had intentionally left on the bed.

11 missed calls
2 messages

My heart flutters with joy, the calls are his and the messages are random. Removing the heels, I grab my phone. I slide to camera mode and click a picture of myself in the blue little dress he had gifted me on our last marriage anniversary. Sharing it to him through messages I fall back on the bed.

The phone rings and I fall into the velvety cloud his voice weaves, the longing disappears momentarily. My easy tone guides him to my state and he plays with my imagination till he comes back for real to hold his sweetheart.


Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Wounded Past

For the things you do and don’t do, there maybe a reason or two or maybe none. You just do something as if an invisible hand just made you do it. When we are done we realize it through the after effects.
A friend of mine pretty boastful said she doesn’t need someone in her life to be alive. The concept of talking everyday with boy-friend is something which isn’t possible in reality she said. The girl and the guy both need space in their life. 

These were her thoughts when she first talked about love, girlfriend and boyfriend. She said once she had a boyfriend and that was it. She likes her current state of singlehood.

I didn’t probe her to give more and neither did she willingly disclose anymore information.
This was the story of the second day of us being acquainted with each other. We were walking back home together as we lived nearby. I bid her a goodbye and left on one of the ways in the fork.

She talked way too much for my liking. I met her almost everyday but somehow I got used to with her chatter, after sometime her talking didn’t bother me so much. She got really close to me. She shared things and a secret or two.

One fine day I got a little bit more of her previous love story. But I knew that was not all.
She has become committed once more and this time it was her best friend. They knew each other but understanding seemed a whole different ball game in their relation.

She wants to talk to him everyday. Her changed sentence was that she cannot live without him in her life. When she is not able to talk to him even a day, she becomes very anxious.

I see her and think that what is affecting her this much. Her face is completely pale and it seems she hasn’t slept all week. She tells me they are not able to talk.

I think there is something more but then again maybe I am reading in too much.

Today it happened so that I wasn’t wrong after all. It was her previous relation which affected her today so much. She told me she wants to be informed that someone is going out of her life.
I ask her the reason of breakup in her previous relation.
Her answer was 

He never told me, he just went away. He did not respond to my message and did not talk to me. He just left.”

The guy is precious in her life, her current relation is her heart. She doesn’t want to loose the guy. She doesn’t want to be hanging and left without any reason.

Each day that she can’t talk with him, she thinks maybe he is on the way to leave her. She says maybe he deserves much better than her.

I tried to console her with words and told her that nothing of that sort will happen. That maybe the previous breakup had something good for future. But she is shaken too deep. Her wound is yet not healed. I hope she gets over someone who did not deserve her. I hope he heals her past.

Saturday, July 04, 2015

To change or to flow? Is it Complex or simple?



It is interesting how things change so soon. Or we think they change soon, it happens gradually and till we get to the final result we think it just happened all of a sudden. The changes that we want to have and imply it deliberately are the changes which are the most excruciating and long.
It is always good to have a change or is it at times bad too? I have no idea. I am still adjusting to the idea of change willingly. I know it happens whether I want it or not but I feel like catching hold of it and stopping it.

I want to still the time and stop the change. Well, I cannot win from time, I have to flow with its flow.
The interesting thing about moments(it is said it becomes when 90seconds pass) is that if you miss them, you miss them but even if you are in the moment afterwards you are going to miss them.
This world works in a screwed way. Well if so then what is the problem? After all what in this world is not complicated?

I have an idea which is, that at the beginning of the time when human beings known as early man came to be present on earth, the things were simple. You could touch a flower and it would smile at you, you could lie on the ground and it would hold you in its womb, you could sit by a tree and it provided you with a shelter and many more things like that.

Sounds simple, no?

But with human came anger, jealousy, competition, greed and words having meanings somewhat similar to them. This is what led to the simplicity being screwed.

Now simple is operating a mobile by a toddler, chatting on skype with a dear one, watching whole world through internet and so much more. It is said simple but it has a huge labyrinth of algorithms and extra mind working just to fulfil a wish, to meet with greed and not needs. We have made our lives simply complicated.

To simplify the complications we provide it with some more complication. And this continues.
Now in place of flower we touch metal and glass molded into desired needs(greed), lying on the fluffy cotton bed is more pleasure and we have concrete buildings to cover us(our shelter). This is what is simple to us.

I see I have flowed in my thoughts around here and I see how complex it is, from change to time to simple to complex. Such is the transformation in our lives..

I sitting here operating my laptop and sharing my view with the world is simple now. Is it really?

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Space

He- Why wont you talk to me? Say something.

She sighed. He repeated himself again.

She- Remember how you told me that i don't let you be free?

He- Yes. What about it?

She- I am giving you all the space you have always wanted. You don't have to worry about talking to me anymore.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

डर

बेवक़्त एक आहट जगा जाती है हमे नींद से
वो सिरहाने आके बाल सहलाते हैं प्यार से
जैसे मोह जुड़ा हो हमसे कोई
और हम आँखें मूंदते हैं उनकी इछाओं से

डर लगता है वो दे न पाएंगे
डर लगता है वो कह न पाएंगे
जो वो चाहते हैं सुना बड़े लगाव से

वो कुछ देर बाद उठ चले जाते हैं
नींद हमारी अपने संग लेकर
हम सोचते हैं क्यों है केहना इतना मुश्किल
की हम भी चाहते हैं उन्हें उसी चाह से

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Jaane kyun. .

Jaane kyun. .
Dil mein ek dard chupa hai. .
Adhro pe lawz aake thamm se gaye hain. .

Naraz hai ye sama bhi shayad humse. .
Tabhi Chand tamas mein yun gum hua hai. .

Saturday, March 28, 2015

You




Your stare through those long lashes.
Your warm breathe on my tresses.
Gliding fingers across my skin.
I am lost in land,
land of you and me.
All day long wrapped in your arms,
I embrace my forever with you.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Getting together

It is always fun when you meet your family relatives or friends. These family meetings take place on some special occasions or some religious activities or festivals. The relatives gather around and the humdrum in the surrounding atmosphere just charges up everything. Everyone in family finds their own interest group and start chatting or gossiping immediately.

With friends it’s a bit different. A friend is someone with whom you don’t have a blood relation but yet you feel connected somehow. I have a friend of mine right from the school days. We did not spend the whole twelve years of schooling together but yet we are close to each other. We gave board exams together, chatted all day long on phone and met whenever possible. But as we go ahead in our life we realize that we have different priorities and goals and hence the long hours of chatting and talking are reduced considerably. Meeting almost ceases to exist. 

One day we were chatting after a long time on phone and a question came up. The following question led to a realization. We couldn’t really recollect the last time we met. We wanted to change this situation as soon as we could. So we decided to meet up the very next day.

We were really excited to be with each other after such a long time. I left from my home early to go to her place. When I reached there and saw her, our smiles were matching to each other. We hugged and went to sit in her room. I was clueless that was exactly happening in her life and she had the same thoughts for me. 

So we began talking like we used to back in school. She started telling me every story right from the start till the end. And I got to know about some of the problems in her life. We discussed how the situations could be handled. I told about everything that had happened in my life. It felt like we slowly were coming to the current moment and did not miss anything at all. It felt really nice to finally be in front of each other and share everything. We felt like we were reliving the moments from our school time. We sat on the balcony and remembered the silly things we used to do. Brought out all the old letters and scribbles we used to do. The nostalgia was overwhelming. We had the same food that day. Her mother used to make really nice kidney beans and rice. We even watched our favourite movie. That day I felt like all the worries and tensions had gone away. I was at peace. As we parted we promised to meet every month from then on. 

Being together with the ones who make you happy is a great thing. Housing also makes possible to have this happiness by bringing you together. To know more about it click the link: https://housing.com/

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

A change!

I didn’t like the word change and the feeling associated with it. But as time passed I realized it is an important part of life. As there is a famous quote that goes like “only change is constant.” I merely just believed in it because people told me that is how it is. As a result I did not practice it in my life
I used to be an introvert back in my childhood, always scared to talk to new people. Maybe I was afraid that people would judge me or I wouldn’t be able to talk with them.

A point in my life made me see otherwise. I adopted change and that helped me in ways I couldn’t even imagine.  I started with the simple conversation. Skeptical at first but got comfortable after failed attempts and successful attempts. People around me could understand a little bit of me through my conversations.

As I was an introvert I didn’t have many friends and neither did I participate in activities. When I started talking I had many types of conversations running on. Some made me feel bad, some good and some neutral. I was happy to find like-minded people, basically who understood how I felt and what I meant. Within a period of my endeavor I could face the world better. I even started participating in all kinds of activities and people came to knew who I was. I wasn’t the one hiding or scared to face the mass. After my stage performances of the events I took part in people used to come to me and tell me how good I was, even though they did not know me.

I had a positive feeling going on around me. I made friends, learned so much more about the world around me. When you talk to different kind of people, be it the short and random conversation, you get to know something or the other about the different things around you.

That was one of the benefits but the most amazing thing was I started to know what my talents were and what I could really be. I got good in whatever I did as a result of all that notice and praising I received from the people. This made me more confident and sure of what I was doing in life. Now I talk to people wherever I go and always get to learn a thing or two. They like to hear what I want to say to them. And I have chosen my career well for myself.

As I think back, if I had been that introvert person I wouldn’t have been able to be in the place I am right now. So that single change made me who I am today and I am happy to be like that. If you want to be happy and fulfill a dream, bring a change in your life. Here is something that I think may change your life for the better and fulfill your dreams, do check the link: https://housing.com/
The following video will shed some light on what I am talking about.

Thursday, March 05, 2015

Hope for future

Plenty of moments are present in our life which makes us sad or unhappy, in turn filling us with disappointment. But the interesting part of life is that a single, little moment is enough to bring a smile to our face and fill us with hope for future.

One specific day that I remember from the recent past of mine made a stream of emotions come to life. I was walking towards my home after a long day. I generally walked but at times took cycle rikshaw. That day I had decided to walk. I had covered half way to my home and then I saw a cycle rikshaw. This person driving the cycle rikshaw was an old man. At first I was shocked to see a person doing such a hard work when one assumes him to be resting or doing something light. He asked if I wanted to go somewhere and somehow I just agreed and sat on his cycle rikshaw. All the while on the way to my home I kept thinking as to what makes him do this work. Maybe he doesn’t have children or maybe his children have disowned him or maybe he has no one to call family and other things. The whole way down was a pondering session for me.

As soon as I reached in front of my house, I got down and stood in front of him. I generally just hand the money and leave but that day all this was unusual so was my behavior. I asked him “Why do you do this at this age?”  He looked at me and laughed. I gave him a confused look and repeated my question. But again he did not answer me. So I asked “Don’t you have a family?”

Then finally he started speaking “I have two boys and two granddaughters from them.” Then again my surprised look flashed in front of him. So he came to the point. He told me that his sons are robbers and they rob for getting money. Robbery was their occupation. But he is against it and recently his sons had been engaged in a robbery and when the police came to ask him he gave them the truth and his sons were arrested. He spends his life away from his sons with just his wife. To earn his livelihood he drives the cycle rikshaw. He had said a very powerful line in between all this that “I don’t want to live on money that has been stolen from someone else, I want to earn for myself.”

I had looked at him with respect and hope. This made me realize that there are people alive who know what is right and wrong and ready to support the right. He made me learn a valuable lesson which if I had not seen with my own eyes would have thought of as a story. This fills me with hope and optimism for the future of our country. There are at least few people ready to support the truth no matter what it takes and their stories will make other handful to follow. And with this chain we can hope for a bright future just like Housing.

Housing is here to help the world live better. To know more about it, click the following link:
https://housing.com/lookup